Changing a partner’s behavior: some college student data

One-hundred-and-twenty-seven undergraduates at a large southeastern university completed a confidential anonymous 33 item questionnaire designed to assess the degree to which undergraduate college students expect to change the behavior of their dating partners. The data revealed that changing a partner’s behavior is normative and had been learned by observing their parents and friends attempting to change behavior in their respective relationships. The data also revealed that females, particularly those who had been involved in a previous meaningful relationship, were significantly more interested in changing their partner’s gender role attitudes than vice versa. Implications of the data are suggested.

“I’ll change my partner after we get married” is a common thought among persons contemplating marriage. The thought carries three assumptions- that a deliberate attempt to induce the partner to change behavior is in the future for the relationship, that the partner will actually make behavioral changes, and that the partner will benefit/enjoy such changes.

Previous research on changing behavior has focused on conflict management styles (Greeff and DeBruyne, 2000), factors involved in behavior change (Franklin, 2000), and adaptation in long term relationships (Mackey and O’Brien, 1998). This study sought to identify the degree to which undergraduate college students expect and/or experience behavioral and attitudinal change to be operative in a dating relationship.

Sample
The sample consisted of 127 undergraduates at a large southeastern university who responded to an anonymous 33 item questionnaire designed to assess the prevalence, attitudes and behavior toward changing one’s partner in a current or past relationship. Fifty-eight percent of the respondents were female; forty-two percent were male. Most (88%) were White, 8% were Black, 3% Hispanic, and 1% Asian. The median age of the respondents was 18 with a range of 17 to 41 (only one respondent was 41). In regard to classification, most (69%) were first year students with 18% sophomores, 10% juniors and 5% seniors. About half (54%) were either not involved or casually dating, 40% were emotionally involved, and 6% were living together, engaged, or married.

Findings
Analysis of the data revealed that changing one’s partner is part of one’s socialization and is viewed as normative and pervasive.

Parents and Change.
In regard to the family in which the respondents grew up, half the women and one fourth of the men reported having observed their mother attempting to change their father. In addition, 30.4% of female students and 25% of male students reported that they observed their fathers trying to change their mothers’ behavior. The data also indicated that the respondents felt that their parents were trying to change their (the student’s) behavior with female students feeling greater pressure for behavior change (75.3% compared to 66% for males). However, males felt greater pressure from parents to change their (the student’s) attitudes than females (75.4% compared to 64.4%).
Partner, Friends and Change. Eight in ten respondents reported that their partner (in their most enduring relationship) had tried to change some aspect of their (the respondent’s) behavior. They also observed behavior change attempts in the relationships of their friends, as over three fourths (77%) had observed their friends trying to change their respective partners. Everywhere the respondents looked…parents, partner, friends- attempts at change were common.
Importance of Change. These undergraduates felt that it was important to change a partner’s behavior, particularly if the behavior was considered serious. For example, over 90 percent (93%) of the respondents reported that if their partner abused drugs they would try to change his or her behavior. On the other hand, only 39% reported that they would try to change their partner’s religious values.

Significant findings. Aside from the percentages just identified, analysis of the data revealed two significant findings.

a. Gender Role Attitudes. Females evidenced greater interest in changing their partner’s gender role attitudes (86% vs. 72%); the significant level of P<.02

b. Need for Change. Women who have been involved in a previous meaningful relationship were significantly (P < .004) more likely to report (72.9% versus 49% or men) that they wanted to change their current partner's attitudes.

Discussion
In regard to the finding that these respondents observed their parents and friends attempting to change their partner’s and friend’s behavior respectively, it is not surprising that these respondents also reported trying to change their partner’s behavior. Social learning theory emphasizes that interpersonal norms, values, and behaviors are learned (White and Klein, 2002). To have parental and peer models for behavior change is to create the context to learn that attempting to change one’s partner is normative. Shumway and Wampler (2002) also emphasized the link between positive behavior in a relationship and relationship satisfaction.

The finding that women were significantly more likely than men to be interested in changing the gender role attitudes of their partners reflects the preference women have for such egalitarian relationships. While traditional gender role relationships are entrenched (Laner and Ventrone, 2000) women sometimes assume they can change their partner if need be. Indeed, women who had been in a serious relationship revealed that they would not settle for less. Almost three-fourths reported that they wanted to change their partner’s current attitudes.

Implications
Implications of these data suggest that both women and men have been socialized that attempting to change the behavior of someone in a family, peer, or intimate relationship is normative. Women may be particularly attuned to attempt to change the behavior of a male partner to help ensure that she is treated as an equal. Males might be aware that, increasingly, women might expect an egalitarian relationship and to expect her to attempt to change him if he does not treat her as an equal.